Imperfection

Ugliness, I feel it. This problem of mine is making me lose my self esteem and self confidence. It doesn't get better day by day but instead becomes worse. What is thing exactly. I've constantly been praying and praying but it doesn't seem to be answered. What is it that I have to do? God please show me. Totally demoralised by this. I can't look at anyone into the eye cause I feel so insecure. If only, if. So many if only(s) are popping out in my mind. I feel so vexed, melancholy, frustrated and annoyed. Making me a detrimental person. Even though others have it worse, but I can't not feel bad about this and no one really understands how I feel about my situation unless they're in it. It kills your self esteem. Seriously. It's like a stupid bug that just won't go away, there's nothing anyone can do except for God. I know I have the faith and belief but something's definitely missing and I need to know what that is. God please show it to me in my dreams or something. I try to be optimistic everyday, but once I look at myself, bam, it's gone.