Today was a good day in band and stuff so I'm actually quite happy but what's disturbing/discouraging/affecting me is the people I invited to my church. I mean it's ok if you can't make it for your whatever reasons but if you agree to go already then don't like back out eh. Cause srsly it takes me SUPER A LOT of courage to even ask you to attend my church service. But it always comes to me like "yay it's gonna be so fun this coming day coz I'm going with my friends" but in my mind I know that plans get screwed up with expectations. Idk why but let's go with the flow. I mean it's not just to particularly one person or what but as a whole this is saddening to me.
And in all seriousness as to why I feel like blogging today is cos I feel the need to express my thoughts if not bottling this up will only kill me.
I feel like I just need God to send me this friend that is gonna be like my sister. I need someone to come to my mind to talk to whenever I'm troubled. I need someone to show me that I'm appreciated, seriously that's like something I've never been told. Even though people might write cards to me telling me like how much of a good friend I am, it doesn't make me feel that much of like "you're an important friend to me" kinda thing.. I need a friend to hang out with me to spend quality time together and to share what happened today. I have had so many friends I thought I'd be close to and was close to, but it always ends up as us not talking anymore just a hi-bye when we walk pass or worse, we don't even look at each other anymore lol. It's sad....am I boring to talk to, am I a bad friend or are most people like that? Like one moment they're so interested in talking to you/making friends with you but after awhile, they just abandon you
It's a shame.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Heartfelt words
So hi :)
Didn't attend school today tho it's my mye F&N cos I was having a fever and now a flu :-( stupid la always fall sick at wrong timings!!! And so I just had my dinner and I chanced upon talking to my grandma again.
Why can't adults be more sensible? They teach us to be respectful but they don't even reap what they sow. Seriously some of them always contradict themselves. Lol. I just hope I had the rights to be telling them how to act bc if I did, they'd be saying "you're just a kid, be respectful and don't be rude to your elders" come on who's the one being rude now. Can grandma prevent the mosquitoes from flying in? Can she prevent a fever for happening? No. I'm seriously disappointed in the way my family acts sometimes. They don't even appreciate what my grandma does but instead take it for granted. She's not young anymore, she's 60+ years of age. It breaks my heart to see her ranting to me about how she feels that some of her children are not filial. I understand. It's just like how we feel like when we think that our parents don't love us nor care about us.
Just put yourself in those elders' shoes, how'd you feel if your children, in the future, talks this way to you, doesn't care about you and act rudely towards you?please, adults need to understand that I they don't reap what they sow, the younger ones are not going to listen nor believe in whatever they teach us because they are not even doing it. Lead by example. I don't think I don't have the rights to be telling them this, I'm not even using a rude tone. It's just the way they'd view this but I'm only gonna voice out if this happens again.
阿嬷,
谢谢你无微不至的爱
谢谢你给我一个屋顶
谢谢你每次煮的晚餐
谢谢你打扫房子
谢谢你的关怀和笑容
谢谢你为我们做了那么多的事
谢谢你每次都有想到我需要什么
谢谢你的包容
谢谢你生下一个那么好的女儿
谢谢你的教导
谢谢你给我们填饱肚子
谢谢你所为我们做的每一件事情
即使你的脚很痛，你也愿意帮我们到遥远的地方买食物，虽然你累了，你也愿意住东西给我们吃，有时你发牢骚的时候，我感到很烦而大声对你喊，但你不但没有骂我可是还很爱我，对不起。我真的感到很抱歉和遗憾，我真希望我的能力不是那么少而已。对不起我不能每个周末带你去豪华的餐馆吃午餐，对不起我不能给你燕窝补品，对不起我对你大声地喊叫，对不起我又是对你不礼貌，对不起我没有为你着想，对不起我以前把你的爱当成理所当然的，对不起我不能为你做什么，对不起我的书读得不好／不理想，对不起我没有能力出去赚钱但是我们真的不需要更多的钱，我知道有多一点钱当然是更好的，可是我们要懂得知足常乐……我不要等你以后走了才说其实我很爱你，很感谢你，很想给你美好的家庭环境。可是我还小不能出去赚钱，所以……总之，你不要担心我们的财物情况，耶稣会保佑我们和给我们所需要的。我真的真的很希望我能做得比这个还多但在这个时候可能只有那么多，我希望我结婚生孩子的时候，你还存在这，让我的孩子哄你开心和孝顺你。也许你没法看到我这个post，可是我希望你懂我的心。
爱你的孙女，雪婷。
I cried writing this lol, being so emotional right now. Do y'all know that feeling of wanting to let someone know how much you love them but you just daren't say that three simple words, "I love you."? I feel that way towards my family especially and I hate myself for not being able to say it out. I'm so thankful towards my mom and grandma, their love for me is unconditional but yet I am so rude sometimes I think I deserve to be slapped. I hope I can be more careful of my words from now on.
Didn't attend school today tho it's my mye F&N cos I was having a fever and now a flu :-( stupid la always fall sick at wrong timings!!! And so I just had my dinner and I chanced upon talking to my grandma again.
Why can't adults be more sensible? They teach us to be respectful but they don't even reap what they sow. Seriously some of them always contradict themselves. Lol. I just hope I had the rights to be telling them how to act bc if I did, they'd be saying "you're just a kid, be respectful and don't be rude to your elders" come on who's the one being rude now. Can grandma prevent the mosquitoes from flying in? Can she prevent a fever for happening? No. I'm seriously disappointed in the way my family acts sometimes. They don't even appreciate what my grandma does but instead take it for granted. She's not young anymore, she's 60+ years of age. It breaks my heart to see her ranting to me about how she feels that some of her children are not filial. I understand. It's just like how we feel like when we think that our parents don't love us nor care about us.
Just put yourself in those elders' shoes, how'd you feel if your children, in the future, talks this way to you, doesn't care about you and act rudely towards you?please, adults need to understand that I they don't reap what they sow, the younger ones are not going to listen nor believe in whatever they teach us because they are not even doing it. Lead by example. I don't think I don't have the rights to be telling them this, I'm not even using a rude tone. It's just the way they'd view this but I'm only gonna voice out if this happens again.
阿嬷,
谢谢你无微不至的爱
谢谢你给我一个屋顶
谢谢你每次煮的晚餐
谢谢你打扫房子
谢谢你的关怀和笑容
谢谢你为我们做了那么多的事
谢谢你每次都有想到我需要什么
谢谢你的包容
谢谢你生下一个那么好的女儿
谢谢你的教导
谢谢你给我们填饱肚子
谢谢你所为我们做的每一件事情
即使你的脚很痛，你也愿意帮我们到遥远的地方买食物，虽然你累了，你也愿意住东西给我们吃，有时你发牢骚的时候，我感到很烦而大声对你喊，但你不但没有骂我可是还很爱我，对不起。我真的感到很抱歉和遗憾，我真希望我的能力不是那么少而已。对不起我不能每个周末带你去豪华的餐馆吃午餐，对不起我不能给你燕窝补品，对不起我对你大声地喊叫，对不起我又是对你不礼貌，对不起我没有为你着想，对不起我以前把你的爱当成理所当然的，对不起我不能为你做什么，对不起我的书读得不好／不理想，对不起我没有能力出去赚钱但是我们真的不需要更多的钱，我知道有多一点钱当然是更好的，可是我们要懂得知足常乐……我不要等你以后走了才说其实我很爱你，很感谢你，很想给你美好的家庭环境。可是我还小不能出去赚钱，所以……总之，你不要担心我们的财物情况，耶稣会保佑我们和给我们所需要的。我真的真的很希望我能做得比这个还多但在这个时候可能只有那么多，我希望我结婚生孩子的时候，你还存在这，让我的孩子哄你开心和孝顺你。也许你没法看到我这个post，可是我希望你懂我的心。
爱你的孙女，雪婷。
I cried writing this lol, being so emotional right now. Do y'all know that feeling of wanting to let someone know how much you love them but you just daren't say that three simple words, "I love you."? I feel that way towards my family especially and I hate myself for not being able to say it out. I'm so thankful towards my mom and grandma, their love for me is unconditional but yet I am so rude sometimes I think I deserve to be slapped. I hope I can be more careful of my words from now on.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Study, work, money, die.
Isn't that what's happening to the world right now? Apparently, yes. Everyone's studying & working their asses off just to survive in this cruel world. What's the point of living then?
I've just finished making notes for my F&N MYE in just 3 days. Then I thought again, why am I studying? To learn? For my future? Really? Or just to compete with the people in Singapore to survive? The richer gets richer, the poorer will just get poorer. This is how harsh the reality is. You don't have the money, you live a laid back life. You have the money, go all out and play all you want. Seriously do you guys see the "motive" or "purpose" that you are created for? Do you guys ever wonder to yourself, "why am i the chosen one?" I am still looking for the answer but currently I'm living for God. To spread his word, message, love. To learn to be a God Chaser and then be more like Christ as each day passes. But sadly, I'm still living in the fighting-for-survival Singapore. Ever since I went back to church after my family backslided, my life seemed more meaningful. Though nothing much has changed practically, around me, but in me, I have definitely became more cheery and positive. My mindset towards setbacks have became more open and I got out of that small box I was living in. All these are only possible because of God, without God, we can't find the real peace in our hearts.
Some people always ask "why do my prayers never get answered?", because you don't have enough faith. You don't believe that it'll happen, or you don't even believe that there's a God. Then what for do you pray? And remember, God has a beautiful plan for all of us. Don't ever lose hope in life, if you ever do, seek Him. Regardless of your religion because all of us are precious in His eyes.
And when I actually pray/talk to God, I feel like I am actually talking to someone though He cannot be seen but I can feel his presence. It's different from people talking to themselves, it just feels different. Idk how to describe but yeah, it's just this feeling of "youcanletitallouttoGod" feel. Haha.
My point is,
If you feel tired, find peace in Him.
If you are lost, find your way in Him.
If you are sad, tell him.
If you need comfort, seek him.
If you are worried, find peace in Him.
If you are weary, find rest in Him.
If you ever feel painful, think of how Christ died on the cross, that pain is far worse than what you're going through. You think no one understands? He does.
In anything you do, good or bad, you can tell God. He will forever and always be there.
If anyone even notices, people start changing for the better once they accept Christ. And I don't ever and will never understand why people have to always scold Jesus, Christians and stuff. Like why us? Everyone seems to be aiming at Christianity lol. I never ever get it... It's unfair to God cos he died on the cross for OUR sins. Humanity is just so....I don't know how to comprehend it. You don't have to insult what others believe in, honestly. It's terribly disrespectful.
Anyways my point is, God is always there and he will sustain, provide and love us always. We will never be satisfied if we don't start being thankful for what we have. Always think of the unfortunate, stop taking things for granted because you are luckier than someone else who's fighting to even live. Every second of our life is precious because you cannot rewind back to even that second just before this.
We get to be by God's side after we leave this world. It's wonderful because in heaven, we find plenty of rest.
I've just finished making notes for my F&N MYE in just 3 days. Then I thought again, why am I studying? To learn? For my future? Really? Or just to compete with the people in Singapore to survive? The richer gets richer, the poorer will just get poorer. This is how harsh the reality is. You don't have the money, you live a laid back life. You have the money, go all out and play all you want. Seriously do you guys see the "motive" or "purpose" that you are created for? Do you guys ever wonder to yourself, "why am i the chosen one?" I am still looking for the answer but currently I'm living for God. To spread his word, message, love. To learn to be a God Chaser and then be more like Christ as each day passes. But sadly, I'm still living in the fighting-for-survival Singapore. Ever since I went back to church after my family backslided, my life seemed more meaningful. Though nothing much has changed practically, around me, but in me, I have definitely became more cheery and positive. My mindset towards setbacks have became more open and I got out of that small box I was living in. All these are only possible because of God, without God, we can't find the real peace in our hearts.
Some people always ask "why do my prayers never get answered?", because you don't have enough faith. You don't believe that it'll happen, or you don't even believe that there's a God. Then what for do you pray? And remember, God has a beautiful plan for all of us. Don't ever lose hope in life, if you ever do, seek Him. Regardless of your religion because all of us are precious in His eyes.
And when I actually pray/talk to God, I feel like I am actually talking to someone though He cannot be seen but I can feel his presence. It's different from people talking to themselves, it just feels different. Idk how to describe but yeah, it's just this feeling of "youcanletitallouttoGod" feel. Haha.
My point is,
If you feel tired, find peace in Him.
If you are lost, find your way in Him.
If you are sad, tell him.
If you need comfort, seek him.
If you are worried, find peace in Him.
If you are weary, find rest in Him.
If you ever feel painful, think of how Christ died on the cross, that pain is far worse than what you're going through. You think no one understands? He does.
In anything you do, good or bad, you can tell God. He will forever and always be there.
If anyone even notices, people start changing for the better once they accept Christ. And I don't ever and will never understand why people have to always scold Jesus, Christians and stuff. Like why us? Everyone seems to be aiming at Christianity lol. I never ever get it... It's unfair to God cos he died on the cross for OUR sins. Humanity is just so....I don't know how to comprehend it. You don't have to insult what others believe in, honestly. It's terribly disrespectful.
Anyways my point is, God is always there and he will sustain, provide and love us always. We will never be satisfied if we don't start being thankful for what we have. Always think of the unfortunate, stop taking things for granted because you are luckier than someone else who's fighting to even live. Every second of our life is precious because you cannot rewind back to even that second just before this.
We get to be by God's side after we leave this world. It's wonderful because in heaven, we find plenty of rest.
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