I have kinda lost hope for DPA cos of math. It has to be <3 :"""( I MORE THAN 3 MATH ALL THE TIME SERIOUSLY. sighhhhh. Yum just slurped finish my yakult hahaha. Had physics test today and I think I can pass! Though I redrew and erased the ray diagrams many many times till the paper tore LOL.
And I just felt like saying that I hate it when people pangseh me. The end.
Time to buckle my shoes.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Sunday, January 20, 2013
I miss it all.
I honestly miss the times when we'd all hang out together. It was too much fun then, too many memories and jokes that it's uncountable. I miss how I'd feel so happy when my best friend would come over for Chinese lessons. 2 years ago, sadly. Haha now it's no longer this case. But life still goes on.
Even so, I still miss it. Every time I look at old photos in my phone, I immediately feel that pity that we're no longer close. Even though we're still friends, it doesn't feel the same. No longer that fun. I know I've said this countless times before but I just have to. It's not like I can do anything about it.
I miss the times when we hung out in school till 6pm doing nothing. I miss taking neoprints. I miss making fun of each other. I miss laughing like crazy assholes everywhere we go. I miss having lunch together. I miss camwhoring with y'all. I miss every single moment.
It felt like yesterday when we just became good friends in sec 1, now we're all sec 4 and friendships among ourselves are built but just not together.
I'd love to experience that fun together again. Missing that clique so bad. Now that I don't get to hang out with friends everyday after school, it sucks. I don't know what to do after school, I feel completely lost. I have friends who have their friends that they treasure more, but I'm just a lost person once school ends. It's total emptiness inside me, I don't even know who's really a friend cos it seems like I'm easily replaced. It didn't feel like that at all 2 years back, it was all "we are all in this together" thing and no one would feel really left out.
Stupid me for not treasuring it until it's gone. Forever.
Even so, I still miss it. Every time I look at old photos in my phone, I immediately feel that pity that we're no longer close. Even though we're still friends, it doesn't feel the same. No longer that fun. I know I've said this countless times before but I just have to. It's not like I can do anything about it.
I miss the times when we hung out in school till 6pm doing nothing. I miss taking neoprints. I miss making fun of each other. I miss laughing like crazy assholes everywhere we go. I miss having lunch together. I miss camwhoring with y'all. I miss every single moment.
It felt like yesterday when we just became good friends in sec 1, now we're all sec 4 and friendships among ourselves are built but just not together.
I'd love to experience that fun together again. Missing that clique so bad. Now that I don't get to hang out with friends everyday after school, it sucks. I don't know what to do after school, I feel completely lost. I have friends who have their friends that they treasure more, but I'm just a lost person once school ends. It's total emptiness inside me, I don't even know who's really a friend cos it seems like I'm easily replaced. It didn't feel like that at all 2 years back, it was all "we are all in this together" thing and no one would feel really left out.
Stupid me for not treasuring it until it's gone. Forever.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Treasure before they're gone.
I just read this twit longer and I cried so emotionally over it. http://t.co/R5HyPWdb (belongs to the owner, not me). This girl is really strong and I hope she's doing well now. And that post really made me think about how I'm treating my family and I'm still tearing while I'm typing this but anyways I don't think I'm treating them right. Screaming at them when I'm angry, frustrated or sad is being so rude. I don't like screaming also but I need to have self control at times. I then also thank god my family is cancer free and that everyone of them is present in my life. I can imagine that pain when one of them leaves me/this world, I imagine myself crying nonstop and that pain is just..unbearable.
I don't ever want to lose my mom, sister, aunt or grandmother. I feel so sad everything I think of the day when either one of my family has to leave this world without me, leaving and be gone forever. Even if they're in heaven, I'd be missing them so badly. And I had this thought in my mind ever since I was a little kid, I thought "what would I ever do without my mom? I don't think I can survive on my own" I hope that when I leave this world, I will reunite with them in heaven. I hope God will be with me from the beginning till the end. I just can't imagine myself on my own after my mom goes, like we won't even know when someone will be gone. Maybe just the next second and your loved one is gone. But I guess it's human nature that we only love something and regret after something or someone's gone. Which is a really bad thing. I hope I can start treating everyone with love and care. I need to be more mature and sensible. Then I was thinking if I can leave the world before my family does then I won't have to feel the pain. Hahaha stupid thought. I've been bearing with this thought ever since I was 7, I'd realise how much I love them in that day when I had that thought, and forget about it the next.
Well, moral of the story. I thank God my family's well and good. No one has any sickness, I'm very very thankful and I hope I can keep up with my loving self and appreciative self. :)
Bye!
I don't ever want to lose my mom, sister, aunt or grandmother. I feel so sad everything I think of the day when either one of my family has to leave this world without me, leaving and be gone forever. Even if they're in heaven, I'd be missing them so badly. And I had this thought in my mind ever since I was a little kid, I thought "what would I ever do without my mom? I don't think I can survive on my own" I hope that when I leave this world, I will reunite with them in heaven. I hope God will be with me from the beginning till the end. I just can't imagine myself on my own after my mom goes, like we won't even know when someone will be gone. Maybe just the next second and your loved one is gone. But I guess it's human nature that we only love something and regret after something or someone's gone. Which is a really bad thing. I hope I can start treating everyone with love and care. I need to be more mature and sensible. Then I was thinking if I can leave the world before my family does then I won't have to feel the pain. Hahaha stupid thought. I've been bearing with this thought ever since I was 7, I'd realise how much I love them in that day when I had that thought, and forget about it the next.
Well, moral of the story. I thank God my family's well and good. No one has any sickness, I'm very very thankful and I hope I can keep up with my loving self and appreciative self. :)
Bye!
Thursday, January 17, 2013
17/1/13
Hey :)
So today's been pretty messed. Class issues again and again :"( but I understand how he felt....I've been through it and it sucked really bad. I feel super bad for laughing, I'm sorry :\ I can imagine myself going to school everyday just waiting for people to insult me, it isn't nice at all. And to the bullies out there, stop all your shit :c
I am not perfect, no one is. So what rights do we have to judge. As the scripture says, "Do not judge so that you will not be judged." It's super true. I have to think of that verse every time before I judge someone. Everyday and everyday, I realise I'm sinning verbally. :( I wonder how God can forgive so unconditionally. He's so so so wonderful and great, I can't thank him enough.
And today, or maybe just just now, I was thinking about how I can be a good friend to many. I am always there, yes. I will listen if you need someone, I share my joy with them. But why do I still am like the ONLY ONE doing all those? My friends don't seem to care when I am down or whatsoever? Lol idk. And putting myself last, not being selfish is just difficult honestly but I will work on that. I just need someone who I know I can approach without feeling "shit what if I irritate him/her?" and knowing this person genuinely cares. Maybe not in secondary school but let's see. Praying to receive a real good and true friend.
For I believe that when you are a true friend, others can feel it and be true to you too. :)
Ending today's post with a...smile :)
So today's been pretty messed. Class issues again and again :"( but I understand how he felt....I've been through it and it sucked really bad. I feel super bad for laughing, I'm sorry :\ I can imagine myself going to school everyday just waiting for people to insult me, it isn't nice at all. And to the bullies out there, stop all your shit :c
I am not perfect, no one is. So what rights do we have to judge. As the scripture says, "Do not judge so that you will not be judged." It's super true. I have to think of that verse every time before I judge someone. Everyday and everyday, I realise I'm sinning verbally. :( I wonder how God can forgive so unconditionally. He's so so so wonderful and great, I can't thank him enough.
And today, or maybe just just now, I was thinking about how I can be a good friend to many. I am always there, yes. I will listen if you need someone, I share my joy with them. But why do I still am like the ONLY ONE doing all those? My friends don't seem to care when I am down or whatsoever? Lol idk. And putting myself last, not being selfish is just difficult honestly but I will work on that. I just need someone who I know I can approach without feeling "shit what if I irritate him/her?" and knowing this person genuinely cares. Maybe not in secondary school but let's see. Praying to receive a real good and true friend.
For I believe that when you are a true friend, others can feel it and be true to you too. :)
Ending today's post with a...smile :)
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Don't you worry.
Hello hello hello :)
So school was rather meh today cuz it was sooooo boring and draggy T_T and often in class, I think of random things like "what will I do if the next moment the G.O asks for me to answer a call and the call tells me somebody close to me just left me", random thoughts like these just appears and then I appreciate humanity for that couple of minutes or maybe hours sometimes thinking of it but after that, I just start to take people for granted again. I try to treat people nicely to show that I love and care for them like speaking with kind words but MANNNNN it's difficult. I am still trying and a reason why I'm doing it and showing I'm always happy is bc I wanna show everyone that when God is there living in me, I will always learn, live, laugh and love! But, my friends are stubborn negl. And continuing, I really do wonder how I will react and stuff like that.
Will I be acting like those dramatic actions like running out of school or just running into a friend's arms or whatsoever hahaha. That'd be pretty...weird. Even so, now whenever I see the people I love in school/outside/home, I give them a smile genuinely from my heart. I can honestly tell you that a smile/wave from someone can make my wholeeeee day! It means a lot, more than some people can imagine.
It's actually the same thing, like when you don't get a "hi" from someone you expect from when they walk past you, you feel disappointed. So when they "hi" you, you feel so WOW. LIFE'S GOOD. HAHAHAHAA. Or maybe it's just me :p (my body's aching like mad while typing this. ARGHHHHH. STAHP EET BODY, WHAT A BOTHER.) (i am irrelevant so skip that).
So what I usually do to show that actions speak louder than words is by probably giving letters and small things that are handmade? I loOOooOOooOoOoOOoooooove receiving letters & cards! Or even little notes :) It's super meaningful yet easy to make and you can see someone's sincerity from it! Hehe. And I feel so touched receiving handwritten stuff hahaha DO Y'ALL (those that receive letters from me) FEEL TOUCHED WHEN I GIVE Y'ALL HUH HUH HUH HUH. YOU BETTER FEEL TOUCHED OK.
IM DEAD BEAT :( goodnight. HAHA
So school was rather meh today cuz it was sooooo boring and draggy T_T and often in class, I think of random things like "what will I do if the next moment the G.O asks for me to answer a call and the call tells me somebody close to me just left me", random thoughts like these just appears and then I appreciate humanity for that couple of minutes or maybe hours sometimes thinking of it but after that, I just start to take people for granted again. I try to treat people nicely to show that I love and care for them like speaking with kind words but MANNNNN it's difficult. I am still trying and a reason why I'm doing it and showing I'm always happy is bc I wanna show everyone that when God is there living in me, I will always learn, live, laugh and love! But, my friends are stubborn negl. And continuing, I really do wonder how I will react and stuff like that.
Will I be acting like those dramatic actions like running out of school or just running into a friend's arms or whatsoever hahaha. That'd be pretty...weird. Even so, now whenever I see the people I love in school/outside/home, I give them a smile genuinely from my heart. I can honestly tell you that a smile/wave from someone can make my wholeeeee day! It means a lot, more than some people can imagine.
It's actually the same thing, like when you don't get a "hi" from someone you expect from when they walk past you, you feel disappointed. So when they "hi" you, you feel so WOW. LIFE'S GOOD. HAHAHAHAA. Or maybe it's just me :p (my body's aching like mad while typing this. ARGHHHHH. STAHP EET BODY, WHAT A BOTHER.) (i am irrelevant so skip that).
So what I usually do to show that actions speak louder than words is by probably giving letters and small things that are handmade? I loOOooOOooOoOoOOoooooove receiving letters & cards! Or even little notes :) It's super meaningful yet easy to make and you can see someone's sincerity from it! Hehe. And I feel so touched receiving handwritten stuff hahaha DO Y'ALL (those that receive letters from me) FEEL TOUCHED WHEN I GIVE Y'ALL HUH HUH HUH HUH. YOU BETTER FEEL TOUCHED OK.
IM DEAD BEAT :( goodnight. HAHA
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Imperfection
Ugliness, I feel it. This problem of mine is making me lose my self esteem and self confidence. It doesn't get better day by day but instead becomes worse. What is thing exactly. I've constantly been praying and praying but it doesn't seem to be answered. What is it that I have to do? God please show me. Totally demoralised by this. I can't look at anyone into the eye cause I feel so insecure. If only, if. So many if only(s) are popping out in my mind. I feel so vexed, melancholy, frustrated and annoyed. Making me a detrimental person. Even though others have it worse, but I can't not feel bad about this and no one really understands how I feel about my situation unless they're in it. It kills your self esteem. Seriously. It's like a stupid bug that just won't go away, there's nothing anyone can do except for God. I know I have the faith and belief but something's definitely missing and I need to know what that is. God please show it to me in my dreams or something. I try to be optimistic everyday, but once I look at myself, bam, it's gone.
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