Heartfelt words

So hi :)

Didn't attend school today tho it's my mye F&N cos I was having a fever and now a flu :-( stupid la always fall sick at wrong timings!!! And so I just had my dinner and I chanced upon talking to my grandma again.

Why can't adults be more sensible? They teach us to be respectful but they don't even reap what they sow. Seriously some of them always contradict themselves. Lol. I just hope I had the rights to be telling them how to act bc if I did, they'd be saying "you're just a kid, be respectful and don't be rude to your elders" come on who's the one being rude now. Can grandma prevent the mosquitoes from flying in? Can she prevent a fever for happening? No. I'm seriously disappointed in the way my family acts sometimes. They don't even appreciate what my grandma does but instead take it for granted. She's not young anymore, she's 60+ years of age. It breaks my heart to see her ranting to me about how she feels that some of her children are not filial. I understand. It's just like how we feel like when we think that our parents don't love us nor care about us.

Just put yourself in those elders' shoes, how'd you feel if your children, in the future, talks this way to you, doesn't care about you and act rudely towards you?please, adults need to understand that I they don't reap what they sow, the younger ones are not going to listen nor believe in whatever they teach us because they are not even doing it. Lead by example. I don't think I don't have the rights to be telling them this, I'm not even using a rude tone. It's just the way they'd view this but I'm only gonna voice out if this happens again.

阿嬷,
谢谢你无微不至的爱
谢谢你给我一个屋顶
谢谢你每次煮的晚餐
谢谢你打扫房子
谢谢你的关怀和笑容
谢谢你为我们做了那么多的事
谢谢你每次都有想到我需要什么
谢谢你的包容
谢谢你生下一个那么好的女儿
谢谢你的教导
谢谢你给我们填饱肚子
谢谢你所为我们做的每一件事情
即使你的脚很痛，你也愿意帮我们到遥远的地方买食物，虽然你累了，你也愿意住东西给我们吃，有时你发牢骚的时候，我感到很烦而大声对你喊，但你不但没有骂我可是还很爱我，对不起。我真的感到很抱歉和遗憾，我真希望我的能力不是那么少而已。对不起我不能每个周末带你去豪华的餐馆吃午餐，对不起我不能给你燕窝补品，对不起我对你大声地喊叫，对不起我又是对你不礼貌，对不起我没有为你着想，对不起我以前把你的爱当成理所当然的，对不起我不能为你做什么，对不起我的书读得不好／不理想，对不起我没有能力出去赚钱但是我们真的不需要更多的钱，我知道有多一点钱当然是更好的，可是我们要懂得知足常乐……我不要等你以后走了才说其实我很爱你，很感谢你，很想给你美好的家庭环境。可是我还小不能出去赚钱，所以……总之，你不要担心我们的财物情况，耶稣会保佑我们和给我们所需要的。我真的真的很希望我能做得比这个还多但在这个时候可能只有那么多，我希望我结婚生孩子的时候，你还存在这，让我的孩子哄你开心和孝顺你。也许你没法看到我这个post，可是我希望你懂我的心。
爱你的孙女，雪婷。

I cried writing this lol, being so emotional right now. Do y'all know that feeling of wanting to let someone know how much you love them but you just daren't say that three simple words, "I love you."? I feel that way towards my family especially and I hate myself for not being able to say it out. I'm so thankful towards my mom and grandma, their love for me is unconditional but yet I am so rude sometimes I think I deserve to be slapped. I hope I can be more careful of my words from now on.